It is the Chinese Year of the Rat, a year people believe brings change, and Pacy’s life has changed a lot. Her best friend Melody has moved to California, and things feel strange now with Becky and Charlotte. A new boy, Dun-Wei, has moved into Melody’s old house, and the children call him the enemy. Pacy wants to be an author and illustrator, but her father calls that a cold door: a hard job that can lead to a hard life. She was born in the year of the tiger, yet does not feel brave. As the year ends, she thinks about the resolutions she made — her promises about what she would do differently.

So much snow falls that school is cancelled, but when Pacy runs outside the freezing wind stings her face and she shuts the door again. Her father laughs and says that is what you get when you open a cold door. His joke makes her think of the other cold door — her dream of becoming an author. The doubts she once had about her talent are gone, that unsure feeling has left her, but she still fears that door. Is her dream only a wish, or something she can really make happen?

Pacy asks her father how a person tells the difference between what you make happen and what you only wish for. It is different for everyone, he says: you have to know yourself. Pacy asks him to tell her. No one can, he answers, because only she knows who she is. She says her parents must know her, but that does not mean they truly know her, he replies — and he tells her a story.

Two philosophers, wise men who study hard questions, stop on a bridge and watch an orange fish. One says the fish are happy, and the other asks how he can know that, since he is not a fish. They walk on in silence. At last he asks a question of his own: how do you know that I do not know the fish are happy, since you are not me?

Only you really know yourself, her father says, so only you can make your own decisions, and Pacy sees that it is up to her. Everything she dislikes is hers to change: the cold door, her shame about Dun-Wei and about being Chinese, her bad grades, the strangeness with her friends. That is frightening, but her father tells her she is growing up, and reminds her of the race of the twelve animals. The tiger came third with no raft and no friends to help, and crossed the wild water relying on nothing but his own courage. You were born in the tiger’s year, he says, so you are brave. His words warm Pacy like a fur coat: she does not need a tiger’s luck, because she is a tiger.

That night Melody telephones: she is coming to visit at Chinese New Year, because her mother must sell the old house to Dun-Wei’s family. The winter days go quickly. At school the class is doing projects about endangered animals, and this time Pacy is making a book about pandas, by herself.

At recess Becky asks again whether Pacy really wants to work alone. The girls are watching the boys play football in the snow. If she wants to be an author and illustrator, Pacy says, she must practise. Charlotte asks what happens if she never becomes one, but Pacy answers that she will be one no matter what — and saying it makes her feel like a tiger. Then Becky says they will not see Pacy at all once Melody arrives. Pacy stops smiling, and suddenly understands why everything feels clumsy and awkward with these two — careless and bumpy, tense and uncomfortable. When Melody came two years ago, Pacy let these friendships go and hurt their feelings. Becky and Charlotte had not changed. She had changed.

A ball flies past, and Charlotte asks who made such a good throw. It was Dumb-Way, Becky laughs. Pacy gathers her tiger strength. If things are to be better, they have to see how she has changed — what would not have bothered her before bothers her now. It is not nice to call him that, she says; his name is Dun-Wei. Everyone calls him that, says Becky. Pacy looks at her feet and says that she does not, because it is mean. Becky tilts her head like a surprised pigeon, then nods and agrees to stop. The cold feeling in Pacy’s stomach melts away, and she invites both girls for a sleepover when Melody visits. Deep inside she hears a tiger roar, so loud and strong that it surprises her — she never knew it was there.

The real one — the front door of the house on the record-cold snow day, which freezes Pacy’s nose. And the one that is not a real door — becoming an author and illustrator. Dad calls that a cold door because he believes it is a difficult job that could lead to a hard life. ¶1–5, ¶19–32

She stops waiting for a tiger’s luck and decides that she is a tiger. Like the tiger in the race, she crosses the hard part alone, relying on her own courage. She is brave enough to say Dun-Wei’s name properly in front of her friends. At the end she hears a tiger roar inside herself. ¶19–23, ¶37–46

Only you truly know yourself, so only you can decide who you will be. Things you dislike will not change unless you change them. Speaking up for someone is worth the uncomfortable feeling. And friendships need care — when you change, you have to let your friends see it. Whole story